Friday, September 6, 2013


Austin Jones
Life for the clueless…
by Robert A. Waters

Austin Jones was on house arrest for home invasion, burglary with a deadly weapon, burglary, attempted burglary, and possession of a firearm by a prohibited person when he allegedly decided to go burgling yet again.  He ended up breaking into the Las Vegas residence of Ed and Ky Vidal.  Oblivious to the couple’s home security cameras, Jones left with a typical junkie’s haul—a water bottle filled with coins, a suitcase, and a gold ring.  When the Vidals returned home, they posted photos of the thief online.  It didn’t take long before Facebookers identified Jones, and now he sits in the slammer on still another charge of burglary.  Regardless of the consequences, some guys just never learn.

Hillsborough, New Jersey police allege that Shanique Monteagudo, Anthony Iafelice, and Keiaundra Drury operated a car burglary ring.  After breaking into at least 66 autos, their crime spree came to a screeching halt when the trio fell hook, line, and sinker for the old hidden camera trick. The homeowners (who’d set up a camouflaged surveillance videocam in the back yard) gave the film to cops, resulting in an easy identification of the suspects.  After obtaining search warrants, police confiscated 130 items thought to be from the car burglaries.  Now Monteagudo, Iafelice, and Drury each face 66 counts of vehicle burglary.  If convicted, they deserve exactly what they get.

Jeremy Thompson, a.k.a Jeremy Cannon, a.k.a the “Hand Grenade Robber” was captured by cops at the Atlanta Greyhound Bus Depot.  He’s alleged to have robbed a Wells Fargo Bank in Gwinnett County.  Placing a hand grenade on the counter, Thompson demanded money.  Clerks, with visions of body parts strewn all over the bank, were quick to comply.  However, a snitch let police know that the robber was boarding a Greyhound to Miami, and investigators arrested him.  Thompson made it easy to gain a conviction—he was allegedly carrying a fake hand grenade when he was cuffed.

Cops said that Paige Stacy had Xanax, heroin, hydromorphone, and syringes on her person when she broke into the Middletown, Ohio home of sixty-five-year-old Mable Fletcher.  When Stacy walked into Fletcher’s bedroom, the homeowner grabbed her pistol and fired at the intruder.  She missed.  Stacy picked up an iron and threw it at Fletcher, who then fired again.  This shot also missed, but Stacy pretended to be wounded and fell to the floor.  When the homeowner approached, Stacy lunged at her.  Fletcher fired again, missing once more.  Finally, the message filtered through to Stacy’s drug-fueled brain that she’d better leave.  A few minutes later, cops came upon her sleeping in the car of a neighbor.  Investigators suspect that she’d pilfered items from several automobiles, and had attempted to break into two homes in the area.  A police spokesman said she was lucky to be alive.  Stacy might not be so fortunate next time—lots of other Ohioans are better shots than Mable Fletcher.

And so it goes on the low end of the crime totem pole. 

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